


Lost in the Cosmos

by holymishmash



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Western, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, M/M, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Slow Build, Swearing, destiel au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:03:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7755181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holymishmash/pseuds/holymishmash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We were both lost, and somehow, we found ourselves in each other."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in the Cosmos

**Arizona Territories, 1882**

_How many stars are there out there in the sky, in the universe?  Hundreds, thousands, millions?_ On a clear night like this, it looked like there were an infinite amount of stars out in the big wide open.  Any way you turned your head, you’d be met by hundreds of tiny, bright, shining lights.  The dark sky was speckled white and the moon shined brighter than ever and most everything was still.   _How big is the universe?  Are there other people out there in the galaxy?  Are there more galaxies than one?  Is there another person, just like me, looking to the sky and wondering the same things?  It really would be something special if there were people out there.  I wonder if people will ever make it out there into that big black sky and explore.  Maybe one day, we’ll be able to visit those stars and planets and find out if anyone else is out there.  I hope there’s someone else out there.  There have to be worlds other than this one._

 

         There was the occasional warm summer breeze that would move the trees ever so gently.   The trees swayed whichever way the wind whistled and moved them.  One of the horses, _probably that knucklehead, Orion,_ would scuff its hoof in the dirt and a cow would moo every once in a while.  They all shuffled together in the pens and the barn contentedly.  In the distance, a coyote could be heard howling towards its pack.  They weren’t very graceful creatures to look at, all gray and dusty looking.  So skinny and tired looking and hungry.   _I wonder if he’s looking for his family.  I wonder if he has a family.  Family is important, even if you’re an animal._ A nightingale sat up high in the tree and made lovely little sounds every so often.   _Sing, little bird, sing.  I know I can’t, so sing for me instead._ Aside from the sounds of nature, it was silent.  Castiel sat in the grass listening to the sounds around him in the dark, with nothing but the stars shining as his light.

 

        It had been a tiresome day, but it was no different than any other.  Every day was the same, and every day was just as tiresome, and every day was just as boring as the last.  Castiel didn’t have much to look forward to each day, and he knew that.  He would wake every morning to feed and care for his horses and cattle.  He would tend to his bees and harvest his honey.  And if he wanted or had time, he’d sit and he’d sketch on his paper.

 

        Drawing was the best part of the day to Castiel.  Of course he loved his animals, but relaxing on his porch with nothing around him was the best thing he could have ever asked for.  Peace was all Castiel wanted.  But it seems that nothing ever changes or moves along without a fight.  There must always be bloodshed or one sort or another.  Living through the grueling heat of an Arizona summer was difficult enough without the constant anticipation of an Indian attack.  Castiel doesn’t want to fight, he never has.  He wants to read his books quietly and he wants to draw in private and he wants to be alone.   _Why can’t everyone just get along?_

 

        The grass billowed around Castiel as another warm breeze passed through the field.  He opened his eyes and looked to the sky again before coming to a sitting position.   _It’s a nice night to be out and about.  The moon is so bright, and it almost looks like it’s got a face.  Is the moon smiling?  Well, I’ll be.  The moon has a smile, isn’t that something?_ His animals looked satisfied with life and he couldn’t help but feel a little bit happy himself.  The moon was smiling at him and he may be alone out here, but it’s better than being surrounded by battle and having to travel day by day with the army officers right alongside you.  Castiel never did like those army men much.   _Those awful army officers are pushy and they lack manners and they are always just plain rude.  Who taught them to behave?  Well, clearly no one.  They’re not nice men and I don’t think they could be if they even tried just for one day.  Not to mention, they’re a lot of grunts.  Always following blind orders from the ranking officer, without even questioning who or what they’re going to hurt.  Careless and helpless without an order.  I do wonder what would happen if their commanding officer just stopped giving orders one day.  Why, they probably wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if it hit them in the back of the head._

       

        Castiel smiled slightly and stood up and out of the grass, dusting himself off before making his way back to the porch.   _I have a nice piece of land here.  I can thank Father for that, but I think it’s mostly God that I have to be thanking.  He put me in this world and even though Father gave me this ranch, it’s with God’s help that I’m able to care for it._ Castiel stepped inside and sighed, looking around the little place he called home.  There was a table he’d made himself, with a set of four chairs, though he really only needed one.   _I remember when I made that table and those chairs with Luci.  We probably spent the whole day outside in that scorching sun trying to fashion those legs just right and make that table top flat as we could.  To think that after all that time out there, we still couldn’t get it to sit right.  Luci was never good at these things._ Castiel touched the table and smiled again, watching the table wobble because of the one leg that was slightly shorter.  He could fix it anytime he wanted, but it reminded him of that hot July day three years ago.  It seemed like so long ago.  Back when his family got along so well and they all lived so close by.  Now, he was alone, and all he had to remind him of them was the occasional visits at Thanksgiving and Christmas and that little wobbly table.  

 

        He had a small kitchen that didn’t have much to it.  A few cabinets with some ingredients and a place to cook for himself.  When you walked in a little bit further, you were met with a cow leather couch facing the stone fireplace on the wall, and another little table with a chair.  Luci hadn’t helped with making this table, Castiel had done it himself.  There was no wobble in the legs and the top was perfectly flat.  Making that table wasn’t as memorable as the rickety one in the kitchen.

 

        Castiel had a bookshelf covering the entirety of the left wall of his home, with books he’d collected and read time and time again over the years.  No matter how tired he was, Castiel always found a way to read.  He loved learning about the world and imagining faraway places.  He was happy with his home and his life, but somewhere deep down, he wanted a little bit more.  He wanted adventure and he wanted to live life to the fullest.  Everyone does.  

 

         He walked past his kitchen and his dining area, and past the couch facing that fireplace, to open the door to his room.  His room wasn’t plain but it also wasn’t decorated much.  He had a small nightstand on his side of the bed and some curtains to cover his window.  His bed sat on a frame he’d made himself, and some of his drawings covered the walls.  Castiel didn’t go to town much so he never bought any art for his walls.   _I’ll have to go this weekend after church.  Or maybe next weekend.  I need something new to cover those walls.  I’m tired of looking at those landscapes.  They are awfully boring.  I need a change._

 

        He walked towards his bed and sat down to remove his boots, one by one.  He removed the right one first and then the left.  He removed his socks, right first and then left.  He stood and set them next to the foot of his bed before proceeding to undo his belt and pulling it out of the loops.  He wrapped it and set it on top of his bed.  He took his shirt out of his pants and unbuttoned the sleeves and the front before folding it and dropping it on top of the chair that sat in the corner.  He removed his pants, right leg first and then the left, and then folded them as well before setting them on top of the shirt.  He turned back to his bed and grabbed his belt, dropping it on top of the carefully folded shirt and pants.  Everything Castiel did was meticulously calculated.  He was always observant of his surroundings and did everything with the utmost precision.  

 

        Every morning, he would rise just before the sunset, and sit out on his porch in his rocking chair.  He could sit there for hours just watching the sky change from black to dark blues to pinks and oranges and yellows.  Nothing was prettier and more fulfilling than watching the sun rise and set.   _I wish I could draw the sun rising or setting.  I’ve always wanted to, but I don’t have any paints and colors.  I can’t draw a black and white sunrise.  I can’t draw a black and white sunset.  It’s just not right._

 

        He got into his bed and blew out the lamp before turning onto his side and closing his eyes.  It never took much time for him to fall asleep as he was always overworked and exhausted from running his ranch and caring for his animals.  In his dreams, Castiel was swept off his feet and taken to faraway places.  His thirst for knowledge and adventure was only slightly quenched by the novels he’d read.  When he closed his eyes, he imagined himself as a part of those books he’d read, and he wished nothing more than to go on an adventure like the heroic men that dominated story after story.  Castiel would never get to do such a thing though.  No, he’s content with his quiet life on the ranch and that’s never going to change.  The wild adventures belong in the books, not in reality.   _They could be a reality, just not my reality.  I have my ranch, I have my animals, I have my books, and I have my drawings.  I have what I need._

 

        When he thought that, part of Castiel’s stomach twisted.   _No, that’s not true.  I wish I had someone with me.  Not all the time, just sometimes.  Someone to talk to.  I don’t mind talking to the good folks in town or at church, but I think I’d like to talk with someone else.  I’d like a companion.  Though that won’t ever happen, will it?_ He turned onto his back and looked at his ceiling in the dark.   _I wonder what it’s like to share your life with another.  I wonder what it’s like to wake up next to another person and what it’s like to love someone else more than you love yourself.  It must be quite wonderful to grow old with another.  I think I’d like to have to worry about someone other than myself.  I think it’d be quite nice._ With that thought, Castiel shut his eyes again and slowly drifted to sleep.

 

        The sun hadn’t yet risen when Castiel awoke.  He heard his horses whinnying and his cattle mooing, but that’s not what woke him up.  Something wasn’t right.  He sat up in his bed and listened carefully.  There was the sound of horses galloping in the distance.  He jumped out of his bed and clothed himself as fast as he could before grabbing his rifle out from under his bed.   _Why are there horses?  There shouldn’t be horses. I hope it’s not the Indians.  I don’t want to fight and I’m not ready to either.  Please don’t be Indians.  But what else could it be?_

    

* * *

 

       

        Castiel ran out of his home and to his barn where he quickly jumped onto Orion’s back, riding out of the barn as quietly as he could.  When he came out of the barn, he was me with an unexpected sight.  He wasn’t met with Indians on horseback, he was met with white men.  But not ordinary white men, they were military men.

 

        “What business does the army have coming on and around my property at God knows what unearthly hour?”

 

        The three men on horses chuckled and ignored Castiel’s question as a fourth man rode in to join them.  He sat straight and tall on his horse, giving an air of authority and power.   _Damn those military men and their God awful manners._

 

        Castiel looked to the fourth man and glared, “I asked these fools here what they are doing on my property but either they’re deaf or stupid.  I’m leaning towards the latter.”

 

        “Who are you and why do you need to know our business?”

 

        “Well, I’m the owner of this here property, so I think I ought to know why you grunts came barging in on my ranch.”  Castiel was angry and he didn’t like the way this man carried himself.   _Just who does he think he is._

 

        The man raised his brows and looked at Castiel with an unreadable expression, “Charles, Ernest, Theodore, fall back.  I’ll deal with this man.”  The men nodded their heads and turned to gallop back with their horses.  The man that remained stared at Castiel and he stared right on back at him.

 

        “Are you going to speak or are we just staying here all day?”

 

        The man shifted on his horse and smirked, “Boy, you sure don’t have many manners.  You talk to your mother like that?   Shame on you.”

 

        Castiel scoffed but ultimately ignored him, “Who are you and why are you on my property?”

 

        “Just who did you think we were?  Indians?  Coming to attack you?  Boy, you sure are a big threat with your rifle there, I’m practically shaking just thinking about it,” he spoke in the most patronizing and frustrating tone Castiel had ever heard in his life.

 

        “I am going to ask you one time, and only one more time, who are you and why are you on my property?”

 

        “Why, just what do you think you’re going to do if I refuse to answer?”

 

        Castiel was fuming and spoke through his teeth, “So help me God –”

 

        “My name is Captain Dean Winchester and I’m here to scope out the land around you.  The army is traveling with a group of about 50 men, women, and children, who are looking for a place to settle.  Your land is safe enough and has a sufficient water source with the creek up north, so we’re looking for a resting place before we can establish it’s safe enough to keep moving along.”

 

        “Listen here mister, my land might be safe but it’s _my_ land.  I’m not looking to let your folks rest here and I don’t need any Indian attacks to be brought on because they heard a bunch of men in uniform are over yonder.”

 

        “Rest assured, we aren’t looking to set camp on your land, and we’re looking at the landscape around you.  Surely you don’t own this whole entire space?”

 

        “No, I don’t own the whole entire plain, but I’d like to know just where you think you’re going to be settling.”

 

        The Captain turned and pointed past the right side of Castiel’s ranch in the direction of a clearing nearby, “Over there seems to be suitable enough.  Does that sit alright with you?”

 

        “I suppose so, but don’t be bringing folks onto my property.  I will not support any trespassers, and that includes you and your men.”

 

        He chuckled and began to turn his horse to head up in the direction the other three men had left, “Alright then, boy.  We’ll be back with our folks in a few hours, and just so you know, I truly couldn’t give a damn if our settlement was alright by you.  I’ll look forward to seeing you again real soon.”  With that he rode off into the distance and Castiel sat atop his, watching the figure slowly disappear into nothing.

 

        _Who does he think he is?   What made him think he had the right to call me a boy when I am clearly a grown man?  I am not a boy.  And does he think that just because he wears a fancy military uniform and he’s got a fancy title like “Captain” that he can just walk all over me and my property.  I hate those military men and their poor manners.  How can he even suggest that I’m lacking in manners?  He should get off his high horse and shut that damned mouth of his.  I do not like that man, not one bit.  Should he step on my property ever again, I will blow his head off.  I don’t care who you are, Captain Dean Winchester._


End file.
